is being nice a bad thing

He employed his considerable professional judgment. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. If you can’t tell at the time, wait, and continue to ask yourself how you truly feel; something will eventually emerge. Yes I've tried counseling to no avail whatsoever. Not much, you say. I'm definitely not a pushover, but also not nice. -jm. No need to go wild and give yourself permission for endlessly grumpiness. I've said it elsewhere, but one can no longer be both agreeable and conscientious at the same time in this field. Look, if you don't want to feel inadequate due to your narcissistic, unforgiving, pessimistic construct of what is you, then just ignore it. My favorite is Personality Types by Riso & Hudson, which distinguishes between Healthy, Average, and Unhealthy levels within each type. The fucked you up. Close relationships can lack depth. Until the pressure builds up, and the right stress-triggers set you off. Here’s why: 1. This describes me precisely. The best doctor I ever had was of eastern European origin. All Good. The other 8 types are distinct and each has sub-types and other influences, so it's a very nuanced, perceptive, profound, and insightful system. I found it very helpful - when I complained that I just could not say to a man - no, I'm not interested in dating in general and him in particular in a straightforward way or just plain clear-and-cut 'no', I was offered this role playing. First, because aiming for niceness pressures others to project positivity they may not feel. This is where your common sense comes in. Through seemingly endless soul-searching, I adopted the traits, fore-mentioned in Robert Taibbi's "The Dangers of Being Nice", to the point where it became over-kill. Choosing kindness over niceness may be even more important in our current moment when so many are suffering thanks to Covid-19. If you tell a single man that he's about to meet a nice girl, he will pretty much assume she's unattractive and undesirable. One postpones, glosses over by being nice or other solacing actions, explanations. So true Anna. That 40 years, not long enough, write back in 20 more. Long story short, she eventually pulled that same crap on everyone, we got together and compared notes, ganged up on her, and refused to play her game after that. Inevitably, wanting to be loved and needed by others all the time results in suppressing tons … Jane probably wouldn’t want to swap out my entire weekend shift, you say to yourself, so instead of asking if she can work the entire weekend for you, you ask her if she can do Saturday. JTS, your comment is spot on, points to pretty seasoned reading of human nature. This is a hole I'm still climbing out of. Really sad that nice girls are assumed to be ugly. Here are the most common ones: You’re that good, that laid-back all the time, really? I think in the home and among friends, niceness is very important but in the competitive world, it is highly overrated and at many times seen as weakness. Conversely, if the motivation is to spare the other person from extra effort or inconvenience, then the action can be considered kind, as well as nice if it pleases the other person," she writes. I think that one of the things that came up when I was a teenager is that I went to church with a friend of mine. Not all niceness is bad, but I have found kindness to be better because it is honest and does not avoid tactful confrontation. Or, to put that more succinctly, if you're holding the door to suck up, that's not kind though the other person might think you're nice. Being courteous and polite to people is what we used to call "common decency"....that seems in short supply today. My mouth opens and offers of help or what ever come out with out my consent lol ahhh Being an extravert their is no filter that says hold on a moment , is that a good idea what about what you need to do today etc . You are face to face with the fundamental uneasiness, fundamental predicament of being human. But with a few exceptions. Everyone knows me quickly and can trust that and who I am. I was so resentful over every thing at that church from youth group to worship, potlucks, you name it. The same is true about negotiating with your partner: Stop the pre-compromise and figure out what you truly want. As long as you understand that people have human qualities, just like you, you can accept that every exchange will not be perfect. That is easy and antiseptic enough to do my part. But having the neurotic desire to be nice is dangerous for a number of reasons. 1- yes, some people are awful. EDITORIAL: You serve nobody by being the nice guy, Justice Zondo Constitutional Court gives chair one last chance to ensure Jacob Zuma testifies before the commission 29 January 2021 - 05:10 It seems to come out of nowhere, you feel terribly guilty, you apologize profusely, you promise never to do that ever again . Until people in interpersonal relationships and in society on the whole, value honesty above niceness for manipulative purposes, we shall remain trapped in fakeness , deception and self-delusion. Be honest. So, way to much to say but i feel better ha. You said "as an adult, I confronted her about it once" what exactly did you say while confronting her? I have been called many things, but never fake. . This article is great for the self centered. Now as long as I am ok with those reasons, and as long as I am not trying to get somehting out or make myself feel better.. then I have found a way to be ok with it. One becomes good by finding the good that naturally exists in you and acting upon it." He was a very serious person; what he was very seriously focused upon was my health and well-being. That was very deep and brutally honest. This idea of being nice being a problem...it could be interpreted as a reason NOT to be courteous, helpful and have empathy for others. It's their judgment and insecurities that keep them from missing out on the freedom of being awesome. A few months ago, I would have never wrote this comment, due to the fear of criticisms and ridicule, by those more qualified and experienced than I, but for all i know, you may already know all of this. Thank you. I am a blunt person and willingly pay the price for that, at times. Most people deserve it. A build-up of resentment can often fuel the acting out, but sometimes it’s just a slow and ever-present simmer that you internalize along with everything else. If you’re an always-nice superstar, you likely don’t even realize how you feel a lot of the time. Or maybe what I have be referring to is KIND. Telling a flailing employee they're flailing with the aim of helping them improve isn't very nice. Kindness actually helps, even though it may do so gruffly. 'Its her personality'. The world needs all the kindness it can get so we can make it through this crisis together. Wrong. For example, is holding the door for someone nice or kind? He did not rush our appointments, he explained everything to me in detail including alternative treatments, asked my decision, and he abided by it. Listen you have another 30+ years of life to live and while you live those years you need to be able to have a perspective on this topic that fits who you are "which is a kind person" ... so it's not about finding a narrative that works for you! Did not expect any comments referring to nice as fake/phony. When people believe they have to be nice in order to give, they fail to set boundaries, rarely say no, and become pushovers, letting … Heck, she even knocks herself out to help them. Change the mind, and when you look again, you have a whole, new world." I don't conciously decide to be nice . Things in your life are either right or wrong, good or bad success or failure. As Iggy Pop says: "I love my friend, he gives me honesty".